Choices

The green rocking chair 

with the matching ottoman,

The the light entering the room 

through red curtains,

The hole in the carpet 

from roasting marshmallows in the fireplace,

The memories of the nights in my parent's bed

watching television.

Sitting in the living room in silence

Wet drops on my blue skirt that slid off my face

The word "divorce" stifled my home.

Now, each week is planned precisly

based on my parents choice.

And I do not get the choice 

of feeling guilty.

And I do not get the choice 

of making sure my sister gets home safe

when my father is incapable.

But, the choices I do have

will not be taken for granted

because I have learned

that one choice can change everything,

just as one word changed everything for me.

    In the first stanza of the poem, I wrote about when my parents sat me and my sister down and told us they were getting a divorce. Since then, everyone knows that my parents are split up but not everyone knows the impact it has had on me. Because I live primarily with my mother in Troy, I only get to see my father every other weekend which challenges my relationship with him. My father has never had a house of his own since our old house in Warren got broken into and we had to move. In the second stanza, I talked about the current impact the divorce had on me. We had moved from one girlfriends house to the next with my dad whether we wanted to or not. When I wanted to make plans on my dad's weekend, I would have to say no or else guilt would take over that I conciously made the decision to spend my that weekend with my friends who I get to see every day rather than my dad. When my sister, my dad and I are out with my dad's family or even just by ourselves, it almost always become unsafe for my dad to drive and make decisions. I have to drive my dad and sister home from almost anywhere we go as a result. The choices that I make now still cause guilt from time to time but I have now realized that I need to do what is right for me and try to not let anything else impact that. My choice of who my friends are, what college I want to attend and my extra curriculars all take time and effort. These choices will shape the rest of my life and influence how I view myself and how others view myself.